I watched Oprah today. The therapist said to listen is fixing things.
Sometimes I do not know how to help people. My man brain kicks in and I want to do something to “fix” their problem. When I cannot fix things I feel like I am not doing enough.
Next time I will listen because listening is fixing things.
This time next week…The countdown starts now.
7 days
I spent the past couple of years protecting myself in love. I am a giver. I was taught to give. I give and give and then I give some more especially in love. When people take advantage your heart hardens and you learn to look out for just you. You go for what makes you happy and that is all that counts. You justify your actions at every turn and you do little to own up to what you are doing or what you are becoming. At the end of the day, you hurt people. You hurt yourself.
See, looking out for self is a temporary fix to the bad parts of life that you have to just deal with. And I do nothing half way. My nature is extreme and it pays off in some aspects of my life but I am beginning to realize that it does not work when dealing with people.
I am still a work in progress and I am committed to always being a work in progress.
I cannot go for self in every situation. Sometimes you have to take that L. Sometimes you have to just deal with it.
I will commit to doing a better job at protecting the people around me, especially the people I love and adore.
I get it. Funny how things just become so clear.
“I’m trying to write my wrongs, but it’s funny these same wrongs helped me write this song.” – Kanye West
Today I was at my favorite place, Target, and I was in line behind two little girls and their mother. They were buying 5 packs of gum. The cashier rang up the gum and told the woman that the amount due was $4.89. The oldest girl who could not have been more than nine said, “FOUR EIGHTY NINE for GUM?!?! That is crazy!!!”
I could do nothing but laugh but I feel her. Everything IS SO damn expensive. From gas to milk, I find myself saying the same thing. This is CRAZY.
“Out of the mouths of babes,” we now say (slightly misquoting), come the darndest things. Children sometimes speak, in their simplicity, more wisely than their elders.
I love kids for their honesty as it confirms what we all know is true.
Right now, shit is crazy!
Silence can sometimes be unnerving, but it is needed.
If it were not for silence I would have missed this a minute ago.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change
The courage to change the things that I can
The wisdom to know the difference
I remember hearing versions of this before but I actually HEARD it when I walked downstairs. I am usually on the phone talking or texting or running my mouth to the dude at the desk–distracted by noise.
After a night of emotional purge. Restless sleep of mental noise. The toss. The turn. The up and down. The crazy dreams probably induced by personal reflections and my benadryl cocktail. All loud.
But today things have been silent.
I have been silenced.
I have been silent.
Maybe so I can listen.
Ok, so I must say that I love white people. I have many white friends. My last count was about 7 (jk). I have even dated a few of you. So this list is all in fun. I kid the white folk because I love them.
Anyway, here are few things that black folk just do not get about white folks. Read More »
I did not blog about the debate as promised because I’ve been busy. I did read the transcript and it was the lamest debate of them all. It took them 45 minutes to get to real issues. IT was clearly a Pro-Clinton debate. Check out the video because Barack sums it up best.
Barack, get that dirt off your shoulders!
Who would let this woman hold their child?
Ok, so maaaybe you made it pass the first couple of dates. Good for you. YAY! So maybe now you guys are “dating”? Maybe. Well if you are here are some more tips…Dating DO’s…
1. DO CALL. What did Usher say, ”You don’t have to call…it’s okay girl” Well, I disagree. You should go with your gut here. Many people make the mistake and try to wait for the other person but if you feel that the chemistry was good enough to hang out again-call. Calling will confirm two things: A. your interest B. If she picks up and talks to you, then her interest. We all have caller id so if you pick up then that means you want to talk. I never answer calls if I don’t want to talk. I’m grown.
If you opt to text, you’re a punk! But it might work. However, be mindful that a returned text is not a real indication of interest. There’s very little effort in it.
2. DO DATE OTHERS. Now, go call someone else and invite them out on a date. The best way to DATE is to DATE others. People just don’t do this. People usually date only one person to find themselves in a relationship by the next week-especially women. Dating does not mean exclusive unless it has been discussed and agreed on. It is okay. Live a little. Chances are that once you like someone dating others will either confirm the reasons why. Caveat: Try to be as honest as you can with all the people you’re dating. No one likes surprises when it comes to matters of the heart. Be upfront. This will give that other person the option to date others too. It’s only fair.
3. DO DRIVE SLOW. Do not spend your every waking moment with this person. Still go out with your friends. Continue to do the same things you did before you meet this wonderful new creature. Do not surround your life around them. Yes, make time for them but don’t do too much. I think two to three dates per week should be your max. That’s pushing it without a commitment but it can work if one of those “dates” involve an activity.
4. DO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! Many people make the mistake and date privately or in an intimate environment. I believe alone time is needed so you can talk and get to know each other BUT being in the company of others gives you a lot of insight on a person as well. Hit some restaurants. Try a museum. Meet up with your friends for drinks. Check how the person operates with you in the company of others. It is critical because you will not be alone all the time. Is this person a flirt? And if so, can you handle it? Is this person quiet and shy? And if so, will that bother you? Does this person need to be in the certain of attention? And if so, does that compliment your needs. Does this person know what is appropriate to wear or to say at certain places? You see, I can go on. But I must stress that outside interaction is important.
I dated someone for 2 years and for the most part we were alone together because it was long distance relationship. So when we were together it was usually just US. Then once we lived in the same city I learned that our social personas did not match or did very little to compliment us as people (well, me anyway). By that time it was too late to adjust really. So I had my friends and she had hers. Her idea of fun was a bit different. The people she befriended were not exactly my type of crowd. I wasn’t into the drug, sex and party scene like that. Sorry. It was not a deal breaker but it definitely made it difficult for us to relate to each other at times. To boot, she was whiny, bossy and needed to be the center of attention. Had I hung out with her and her friends early on, I might have caught this. Lessons learned, right? SO take it from ME!
5. DO YOU. Leave your representative at home. If you’re pushy, whiny, demanding or straight up crazy, be pushy, whiny, demanding and straight up crazy with your date. If you hide who you are, you are setting yourself up for failure later. Do not be on your best behavior during the dating process. BE YOU! Someone will like your bad as well as your goods. If they don’t, then don’t bother. Be like, “I’mma do meee…” (Another song that I hate to admit that is growing on me, Shawty Lo’s “Dey Know”) So do you!
Sean Bell
So the verdict was handed down Wednesday. Not guilty. Black man murdered, excuse me, SLAUGHTERED by a gang of police officers and they walk away unpunished. And why? Because the officers claim they overheard one of the guys say, “Yo go get my gun!” (Sorry but that sounds a bit suspect to me. Who screams that out? That is so hollywood.) Anyway, I understand that being a police officer is a dangerous job but I have this inherit distrust of people in that profession. I make no apologies for that considering the things I have personally witnessed. Cases like these surely do not help.
The most important part that I feel no one is discussing is the WAY Sean Bell was killed. One officer fired 31 shots. THIRTY ONE??? Police officers are professionals. They have been trained to handle situations like these or so I thought. If no one is shooting back at you, WHY is there a need to continue shooting? This officer RELOADED! That is just inhumane. There is no justification for that type of ambush. NONE.
It just proves that this country thinks the lives of blacks are cheap and easily wasted. I have nothing else to say on this. Lauryn Hill said it best:
Read More »