Closeness Is not always about physical proximity but more about knowing.

I just hung up the phone with my homie a few states up North. I can recite to you her whole last night and she can tell you mine. How does this happen? How did we become close? It got me to thinking. I live 850 miles away (west and north) from people in my life, but often Ifeel closer to them than people that are less than 10 miles from my bed. It is not purposeful on my end, but it happens. It is not even desired on my end, but it happens.

So how does one become close especially when you want to be? I guess it is impossible to be close to someone that does not desire the same. (That’s stalking, lol) So I guess it starts there.

Now I’m tempted to revisit the definition of ’close’ or at least what ‘close’ is to me?   Close isn’t happy go lucky times of smiles and laughter, but times where you don’t get it and still you want to. Close is not expecting all the answers or help to come from that person, but at least letting the person know there are questions. Close is sharing and not just your space but your ideas, your feelings and your life. I guess close is not having to spell out how you feel, but being willing to if need be. Close is feeling desired and not just sexually but someone wanting you around and vice versa. Close is clearing the air and saying how you feel and listening to the other person’s feelings.

I remember dating (aka sleeping with but not exclusive) women who did not feel close to me. I did not get it or understand how they felt. I called a little bit. I texted definitely more. I came around just enough. I shared my body with them pretty regularly. I shared my time when they demanded it. But I did NOT get it. But now I get it. When a woman would ask me what I was thinking I thought she was just trying to annoy me or hoping that my answer would be HER. If I was in a mood I did not get why she would not let me be. Well, it was because she was trying to be close because she cared and wanted to be with me. I was giving pieces for whatever reason–I was being unfaithful, protecting myself due to previous hurts, just having fun or I was just not into them like that. Well, not enough to step outside of my boundaries.

So we would argue because we were not close. Things would come across harsh because the intimacy was not there. She always thought I was picking on her and I thought she was picking on me. What was really going on was that we were on guard. Who trusts a person that they don’t feel close to? Not a smart one for sure.

So I get it now. Closeness…is a desire to share and want to know. Without the desire there is no closeness. So can you create closeness? Yes. How? There has to be a mutual desire. How do you create desire? Not sure if you can…all I do know is that it has to be mutual.