Music: Jay-Z (Stan Alert)

Best Rapper Alive, Period…the End.

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of witnessing greatness on stage. The crowd was electric. The show was perfection. The flow so serious. The hits continous.  With no intermission, only 1 hypeman Memphis Bleek (and people question Jay’s loyalty knowing that Memph ain’t had a hit since never, but Jay still riding with him) and a band, Jay gave me the best concert I have ever been to and I’ve seen them all! From MJ to Prince to Beyonce…The next morning my wife and I purchase tickets for his show in Atlanta. It was just that good.

The dude just get better with time like Opus One.

 

 

My best self

I’d like to send an apology out to all of those who knew the old version of myself. That person has left the building. The tour is over. The stage is empty. Lights out.

Me. Now. I am in the center stage of my life.

No more guilt of not doing more or being more. No more struggle to fit in or to play the role written for me. It is my show. My stage. My life. I yell cut. I scream action. I am the writer, the producer and the star of this show.

Being home always reminds me of how far I’ve come and how I have grown into my best self.

For that I am truly thankful.

 

A year later…

Man it’s been hard to blog lately. I spend all day on the computer so when I get done with work I am over it. I have so much to say about the elections,  Obama’s 1st year, other politics and the human condition as a whole. But I have to get to work so I’ll keep this post short and touch on those topics soon enough.

Last Sunday the wife and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary. We left the city to reconnect, reminisce, rejoice and reflect on the blessings that we have been given this year. It was a beautiful four days of doing nothing—no work, no school and nobody else but us. It was the best time ever. I am blessed that I can spend everyday with my wife and find it as exciting as it was a year ago…

A year later and going strong…

Her last name is my last name

You give my life meaning. You create a purpose for my everydays. I am no longer scared. I am no longer lost. Because you are here. So many things I did not know about myself until you arrived. You have opened your heart to me with such sincerity and you have submitted yourself to me in such a way that I have freedom to do the same. I would have never thought in a million years that I could love someone as much as I love you. From the day we met I knew that you were the person that I wanted to never spend a day without.  In spite of some of the doubters, haters and others who just did not understand, we kept it tight. We keep it tight. It is me you and you me. Always a we. Us.

When I’m empty, you restore me. When I’m down, you lift me. When I’m wrong, you correct me. When I’m right, you remind me. When I need you, you’re there. When I ask you, you do. Even when we are on each other’s last nerve we are still right there. I always think about India Arie’s song where she says, “How can the same man woman who makes me so mad turn around and kiss me so soft?” We both hate to stay mad and we don’t. (smile)

As we circle around to our 1st year anniversay, I want you to know that you will never be alone. I will always be present. I love you more today than I did yesterday and more than I did the day before that one. Your everything is my favorite. And your needs and desires will always be mine (even when I don’t understand it). And for those times I just don’t get it, I will always work hard to learn it. Those vows/promises will always remain true and  the meaning of those words will continue to grow.

I want to say thank you even more for your commitment to our family. I admire and appreciate how you stood in front of a judge to petition to have your name match mine. Other married people take that gift for granted but we have to fight to be a family so it matters so much more. You were family from day one so you changing your last name was never a top priority for me. But I want you to know that it makes me proud to know that you are forever on this journey with me.

Never looking back and always present with me. First name, last name! (lol)

Shhhhh…Part I

At Five…My friendships with girls were different. They clung to me more like a partner than friend. We would play mommies and daddies and somehow I would always be the daddy. I never volunteered but it felt weird any other way. It was this unspoken understanding that I was somehow different but it was okay. I remember one of my first friends. She was a cute little brown girl with a big puffy ponytail. She would always save me a seat on the carpet so we could watch Sesame Street after lunch in Ms. Asberry’s class. I would sit indian style and she would naturally sit in front of me indian style too. By the  time SS would come on she would be leaning back in my lap. Then she would take my arms and put them around her. It was the most natural thing and we sat like that everyday. She would also want to always hold hands. She would ask me to get her bag from the top shelf even though we were the same height. And I always did. During the holidays we had to make Christmas cards for our families. She made me one and wrote “to my love friend.” The teacher saw the car and threw it away and made her make another card. I remember her crying about it. I made her a card so she would feel better.  I made sure that my card did not contain of the word love in it. Anyway, we were way too young to even think about anything sexual but our relationship was not just friends. Sounds crazy but it was like we both knew but at the same time we did not know.

Growing up is hard to do…

This morning my mother called me at 8:25am. It is Sunday and my number one goal on the weekend is to sleep later than I do during the week. It’s hard with my wife being an early riser but even she has learned that it is best when I’m well rested in the morning. So my mom continues to keep talking despite my sleepy and barely there voice. I tell her that I am sleep and I told her that I would call her back later. She then said, “well, I called you last night and you didn’t answer and did not call me back.” I’m thinking well I was out with my wife getting tipsy and thinking about everything ELSE besides my mother when my phone rang. If you saw how beautiful my wife looked last night you would totally understand why. Anyway, my mother started saying something else smart and I lost it and hung up in her face.

I know. That was disrespectful and I shouldn’t have done that. However, lately I have been pushed to this territory of disrespect. MY mother does not take NO for an answer. She pushes and pushes and eventually pulls the nasty out of me!

My mother and I have been somewhat close. I understand why me being married and grown up is a bit hard for her to swallow, but it is a pill that must be accepted. I sent her email to articulate my feelings earlier this month and things seemed to get a bit better. BUT I still feel we have so far to go…

Do parents ever just let you go?

We had him: Michael J. Jackson has gone too soon

 

Today I watched the memorial for MJ and it left me completely moved. I am beside myself with sadness and it is mainly because I did not appreciate all that Michael Jackson was to this world. As I look at all the pictures from across this globe I am moved by his impact on all of us.  This guy made me so happy as a child through my teen years. I remember begging my mom for MJ stuff–shirts, the red jacket, the glove, the doll, etc. I had to have it all. I remember watching his videos over and over and over again. As a kid I was in love with this man and I let the media and those around me make me forget that magic he brought into my life. I forgot about what he did and how he made people just love each other through loving his music. A couple of years ago I was in a restaurant and Thriller came on and everybody started doing the routine. Black, white, old, new—EVERYBODY.

I just want to make my peace for not recognizing his impact and importance in the hard times. I never thought Michael did the things that he was accused of but I feel that I should not have taken part in the laughs at his expense. I should have stood up for him more. Many times I stood in judgment of him and his actions. For that I am truly sorry. I hope Michael forgives me for that. Something in my heart says that he already forgave us. He just wanted to be love and to share it with the world. Like Al Sharpton said today, he kept going. So in rememberance I will honor his legacy by judging less, loving more and simply by just keeping on going…

Please read the poem about MJ written by Maya Angelou underneath the cut…

RIP Michael Jackson

I am still in shock about Michael Jackson. My heart is heavy but there is also this feeling that he is in a better place. He was too good for this place. In 50 years he lived 100 lifetimes. I’ve been listening to his music all day and I stand amazed at what he did. He bridged so many genres of music and people together and created something that will never be duplicated. There are no words. I hope that he is somewhere living out his childhood in another Neverland.

Finally play in peace MJ. Your work here is done and will never be forgotten.

Subconsciously conscious

Tonight the wife and I were laying in bed flipping channels.  We were both in a trance between HGTV and something on MTV. Subconsciously.It’s Saturday night. Nothing much to get into really. We ate linner–late lunch early dinner and somehow we ended up naked in bed afterwards. I woke up craving for ice cream. So after tossing the idea around we got up and headed to Atlantic Station because last time we were there we found this killer ice cream shop. Killa! This place is the business for real. They have everything under the sun. So we dropped in and ran into Jazmine Guy(weird huh?). She was looking quite thin and let’s just say that she is not aging well. (sorry Whitley!)

Love Laugh Live

My wife and I hung those three words across the wall from our bed. We decided to hang them instead of the picture we purchased yesterday with the goal to remember what is really important.

Over the weekend we finally consolidated our two homes and redecorated our home TOgether. The result—a beautiful fusion of who we both are. Last night was our second night in a row going to bed right before the sun came up. Our place is so beautiful and we were so excited that we couldn’t sleep!  What we have accomplished in the past 2 days is utterly amazing. We have completely transformed every room in our home and the real beauty of it all is that it reflects US as a couple (and that we came in right around budget—thank you HGTV!). Real talk—without the decor and consolidation, wherever she is…is home to me.  As I lay here in bed I cannot help but to reflect on how much she has changed my whole life. We met by chance with nothing more than casual intentions. Little did I know that night I would meet the person I would share the rest of my life with. I remember how hard it was to leave her side after our second date. I could not understand why I could not just get up and go home. After finally forcing myself out the door, I found myself in my place sitting on the sofa sulking. I was extremely miserable about not being with a womyn that I didn’t even know a week ago? It didn’t make sense.

So fast forward to one day I came over after work and I never slept at my house again. No formal discussion about moving in together. It happened organically and in the right time. Fast forward to us in San Diego exchaning vows, runnning down a beach and then hopping in a drop top with the sun beaming down on us. Neither of us got on one knee to proposed. Again, it just felt right and we followed our hearts. Fast forward to us being married (and yes its still legal despite Prop )which is a whole other crazy experience.  Challenging yes. Hard? Yes. Worth it? Hell yes. Even when she gets on my nerves I want her riiiiight beside me. When we argue it usually ends with one of us saying to the other, “let’s be friends.” We try to stay mad but then we start to miss each other and we want it to end. That is because we are best friends. There is nothing I cannot do with my wife and vice versa. She’s my lover, rollout partner in crime, my tag team and my boo. Fast forward to our 6-month anniversary a month ago and how I would say I do again(and again and again) because I love her more than I did then. Fast forward to last week when we made our plans for the rest of the year. We crunched numbers. Updated our budget and decided it was really time for us to merge completely.  We’ve been in la la land and whenever we have free time we just want to be together so we never rushed the “merge.” My house just sat over there and we just stayed here. Fast forward to us both purging and throwing out things we don’t need.  3+ trips to Goodwill…a full clean out of the place I own…to the crazy ass movers…add to that to 2 days of shopping, unpacking, drilling holes in the walls, hanging mirrors, window treatments…sorting out our 94394949 books (we have a MEAN library)…completely flipping our bathroom from city chic into a nice day spa…cleaning…storing…We finished around 4 am this morning.  Fast forward waking up in our beautiful bedroom to see Love Laugh Live and remembering all that is important.