I could never date someone in the closet at this point in my life. I am not downing the closet because we all start there. It’s just hard for me to imagine going back there. Tonight the wife and I decided to go to our favorite restaurant for a quick bite after she got out of class. We walk in and the wait staff knew exactly where to sit us. (Yes, we have our own table.) It is very much known that we are together. Our favorite waiter was there today and he stopped by our table to chat about our weekend. Everybody in there knows us as us. They ask us about our vacations and what we’re doing. How’s school? How’s work? Blah blah blah. We are a open gay married couple and everybody respects that.
We stopped by Kroger to grab some food for the week and she pulled me to her and asked me to get closer. So there we are hugging in the middle of the soup aisle. I held her for a while without even realizing what it might look like to others. Then a second passed and I hugged her again because I am apprecitive her being open like that. It makes me even more open. There is also this small part of me that feels that our relationship changes people’s perceptions of gay marriage. No, this is no social experiment despite what some may think (hehe), but I do feel that it is our duty on some level to be the exception in order to normalize our choices to live our lives authentically–which is for us, being gay couple. No she is not my friend. She is not my roommate. Definitely not my sister (thank God).
When I went to the doctor Friday I asked the radiologist if my wife could join me in the back. I said it purposefully because I was not going to pretend. She was thrown a bit for a second but then she quickly said yes. Its funny when I say my wife to someone and how quickly they accept it. I walk away wondering if they think about it later or if they feel differently in their own personal lives. The thing is that even if they are against homosexuality they are forced in that setting to accept it. They are forced to treat us with respect. They are forced to come outside their straight bubble for a second and at least acknowledge that gay people exists and no we are not that different from them.
I’m reminded of this class I took in college about race relations during the civil rights movement. Progress was made with the help of white women and their families who employed a black housekeepers. Over time that black maid or housekeeper became a part of their worldview. They learned about their children, their husbands and other members of their families. They saw first hand some of the strife and hardships endured of the people they allowed in their homes every day and the very same people who took care of their families. It was a subconscious bond there. They were able to see that the color of their skin did not make them any less human and that they deserved nothing less than basic equal rights. The bus boycott would not have been successful without the help of whites that cross racial lines to promote equal rights.
So my point is that gay people have the duty and the right to normalize their choices to live their lives. Make no apologies and get out of the closets as fast as you can.
