Dating…still?

 

Ok, so here’s another post to add to the dating series…Enjoy… So you have narrowed down your choices to a couple or maybe even one. Great! Congratulations. Here are a few tips that may help you if you’re dating still…

1. Make sure you are on equal playing fields. You may be saying, “What do you mean Lucky?” Well, I mean you should check to make sure you guys have handled your business. Is this person’s ex still living with her/him? Is this person looking for a relationship? And if so, what type and what are their expectations in general? You do not have to get too deep but you can usually pick up clues to where you stand but make NO ASSUMPTIONS. You may think the ex is still a friend, but you need to know what role he or she plays in that person’s life and if you can deal with it or if it will hinder you two getting closer. Or you may think that person is looking for some exclusive but they are dating an additional person besides you. Make sure you are someone’s first choice before locking them in as yours.

The Dating Rules Continue

So my homie is dating!!! YAY! Why I’m so excited by this is beyond me. Wait, well it’s because I want her to be the happiest bee in the tree! Ok, bees in trees? Well, I guess the honeycombs are in the tree so it makes sense. Anyway…we were talking about dating and how cool/stressful/annoying/exciting it can be which prompted my Dating Rules to continue…

 

- Get your shit together as much as possible. Yes YOU! Clean up the drama in your life (i.e. exes, past dues, the mumps, whatever would cause stress and drama for another person) in all areas as much as possible. No one wants to deal with your old shit. Trust me. Your cuteness gets ugly quick served on some bullshit. Sorry no way to sugar coat that one.

- Be open but save something for the imagination. So you like her/him but that does not mean you should become an overnight open book! Your secrets should still go to the people or persons in your life before this new wonderful person. They do not need to know all of your business so soon. Ease them into your life.

- Stop the SABOTAGEand stay positive! IF this person is too good to be true then time will reveal as such. TRUST ME! That gliterry gold will turn green in time. But don’t assume that because this person is great then it is a scam or some player sh**. Don’t go with the worse. Assume that this person is who she/he says she/he is until proven otherwise.

- Watch patterns and listen closely. You don’t have to turn into inspector gadget overnight but PAY attention. Most people tell you what they think you want to hear so turn your ears UP so you can hear the things they don’t say.

- Make some physical initmate contact sooner than later. I know, I know! But listen a lack of chemistry needs to be discovered EARLY. I’m not suggesting that you do the do on date 3 or even date 11. I’m just saying dont wait too long to kiss or hold hands or something!

- Take this dating phase seriously but not too seriously. Have fun! Lighten up. Do not do too much! Doing too much=shacking up, meeting parents, paying bills, giving up bodily organs (e.g. kidneys), or dressing alike. ALL of those things are DOING TOO MUCH while dating. So stop it! Right now! Stop it I say! I learned this from some wise person, “…the faster you jump in, the quicker you fall out.” Ya dig?

Next post…Types of people to avoid while dating…(should be interesting)

 

Dating Do’s 101

Ok, so maaaybe you made it pass the first couple of dates. Good for you. YAY! So maybe now you guys are “dating”? Maybe. Well if you are here are some more tips…Dating DO’s…

1. DO CALL. What did Usher say, ”You don’t have to call…it’s okay girl” Well, I disagree. You should go with your gut here. Many people make the mistake and try to wait for the other person but if you feel that the chemistry was good enough to hang out again-call. Calling will confirm two things: A. your interest B. If she picks up and talks to you, then her interest. We all have caller id so if you pick up then that means you want to talk. I never answer calls if I don’t want to talk. I’m grown.

If you opt to text, you’re a punk! But it might work. However, be mindful that a returned text is not a real indication of interest. There’s very little effort in it.

2. DO DATE OTHERS. Now, go call someone else and invite them out on a date. The best way to DATE is to DATE others. People just don’t do this. People usually date only one person to find themselves in a relationship by the next week-especially women. Dating does not mean exclusive unless it has been discussed and agreed on. It is okay. Live a little. Chances are that once you like someone dating others will either confirm the reasons why. Caveat: Try to be as honest as you can with all the people you’re dating. No one likes surprises when it comes to matters of the heart. Be upfront. This will give that other person the option to date others too. It’s only fair.

3. DO DRIVE SLOW. Do not spend your every waking moment with this person. Still go out with your friends. Continue to do the same things you did before you meet this wonderful new creature. Do not surround your life around them. Yes, make time for them but don’t do too much. I think two to three dates per week should be your max. That’s pushing it without a commitment but it can work if one of those “dates” involve an activity.

4. DO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! Many people make the mistake and date privately or in an intimate environment. I believe alone time is needed so you can talk and get to know each other BUT being in the company of others gives you a lot of insight on a person as well. Hit some restaurants. Try a museum. Meet up with your friends for drinks. Check how the person operates with you in the company of others. It is critical because you will not be alone all the time. Is this person a flirt? And if so, can you handle it? Is this person quiet and shy? And if so, will that bother you? Does this person need to be in the certain of attention? And if so, does that compliment your needs. Does this person know what is appropriate to wear or to say at certain places? You see, I can go on. But I must stress that outside interaction is important.

I dated someone for 2 years and for the most part we were alone together because it was long distance relationship. So when we were together it was usually just US. Then once we lived in the same city I learned that our social personas did not match or did very little to compliment us as people (well, me anyway). By that time it was too late to adjust really. So I had my friends and she had hers. Her idea of fun was a bit different. The people she befriended were not exactly my type of crowd. I wasn’t into the drug, sex and party scene like that. Sorry. It was not a deal breaker but it definitely made it difficult for us to relate to each other at times. To boot, she was whiny, bossy and needed to be the center of attention. Had I hung out with her and her friends early on, I might have caught this. Lessons learned, right? SO take it from ME!

5. DO YOU. Leave your representative at home. If you’re pushy, whiny, demanding or straight up crazy, be pushy, whiny, demanding and straight up crazy with your date. If you hide who you are, you are setting yourself up for failure later. Do not be on your best behavior during the dating process. BE YOU! Someone will like your bad as well as your goods. If they don’t, then don’t bother. Be like, “I’mma do meee…” (Another song that I hate to admit that is growing on me, Shawty Lo’s “Dey Know”) So do you!

 

 

Dating don’ts 101

I have heard some not so pleasant stories about dating lately. So I’ve decided to help the dating dumb. It’s only fair because there are so many good people out there just doing it wrong. Either you’re doing too little or you are doing the most. Extreme is never good when dealing with the matters of the heart. So listen up and hopefully these tips will make your next date a bit more successful.

I. Do NOT show up super late. it’s rude and to be honest it is a tad disrespectful. However, sometimes things happen so make sure you call or text the person to let them know.

II. Do NOT drink too much. Here is when the follow the leader game you played as a kid comes in handy. Who wants to be on a date with a drunk someone they barely know? *Looks for hands and I see none* Exactly. No one.

III. Do NOT talk about your ex. She is your ex for a reason. Whatever happened between you two is no one else’s business. If you’re thinking about your ex while you’re on a date, perhaps you should not be on a date. Just a thought. Stop wasting people’s time and money. Most importantly, stop wasting yours. The only time your past is good for your present is when you are applying for a job.

(Lucky note: And yes, I may work you but trust me when I say that it wont feel like employment.)

IV. Do NOT ask for physical contact. If you have to ask then chances are they’re not interested in that at that time.

(Lucky note: Someone has to be bold though. If you’re dating me, then no worries because I’ll let you know. Trust that you will not have to ask because I will not. I’m going in.)

V. Do NOT ask for a date grade. Questions like, do you like me or was this the best date ever? Or from a scale of 1 to 10 where would this date/me fall? Listen, when people have a good time they usually say so. And if not, it is usually all over their face. Other clues would be if they invite you to something else or include you the future tense of their conversations. (Example: Next time I go to my favorite bar you should come with me.) See?  That is usually how it works.

VI. Do NOT blab to the world the details of the date. Tell your friends. Please do not find yourself at the club sharing details with strangers that you dated someone across the room. That’s not a good look. Dates are intimate and private. Kissing and telling will most likely not go over well with that other person.

Ok, that should hold you guys over for the weekend…

 

 **All characters, situations, and experiences appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.**